In the years preceding RAM CIRCLE, I was encountering numerous difficulties professionally. I was searching for something that a job title and salary couldn’t satisfy. Shortly after having my son Rami, I went through a pretty difficult period both with my body and brain. This difficulty would have a profound and transformative effect in my life then and now. I was hurting physically and emotionally. Often I would tell myself: “I don’t want today to be another episode of insurmountable pain”. The story I was telling myself is that I wouldn’t make it, it was too hard. It felt like my body couldn’t sustain this physical and emotional tsunami of an experience.
The most difficult task of healing is honesty which in retrospect I lacked at the time. Recasting the story was one way of acknowledging that left unchecked, this pain could drive me in the darkest hole. At first, I was following the lead of the pain. I noticed a shift when I sought out to develop a greater understanding of myself. With a series of back and forth and at times things overlapping, I started the journey of working towards unification of the parts of myself that were at odds. Attuning to myself was most sustainable when I utilized a set of mindful skills. These skills part of which included story telling gave me the guideline on how to be with my very strong emotions and physical pain. With every mindful skill, I was learning more about my own capacity. I kept a nice rotation of maintenance tools in my container of support. My relationship with my mom who was helping with the baby at the time improved significantly. Years of dense generational suffering slowly begin to heal. I was cultivating a relationship that fueled compassion, understanding, and widening my own ego perspective. I was not to blame for my past hurt and when I finally took the opportunity to recast and attune, the negative energy I inherited could no longer be sustained. We create myths in our heads as part of our trauma response.
The focus here is on cultivating a healing attitude because cultivation implies a cyclic process rather than a destination. This is the story behind RAM CIRCLE. Maybe you feel your story is unknown, vague, lost or scared of your own story. There’s all sort of tensions when you seek for greater understanding. My own personal experience with Brainspotting as a treatment modality has been very effective. Its mantra is “where you look affects how you feel” because when an area of tension is located in your body, healing begins. Your readiness is part of your story so don’t be afraid if you don’t have the words. The work at RAM CIRCLE is to assist you in developing a greater degree of freedom. It is an invitation, not an expectation. It is my hope that this is a place for you to safely sort through it. It is self paced though it is encouraged that you challenge yourself. You have the ability, the how is what we figure out together.